Wednesday, September 26, 2007
What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What's the difference between God and an attorney?God doesn't think he's an attorney.
How can you tell a lawyer is lying?
Other lawyers look interested.
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?One; the lawyer holds it while the rest of the world revolves around him. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.
A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!"The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape."It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!" Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer? You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you'd been there eight hours.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
posted by iaia at 2:07 PM